everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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