He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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