she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize