so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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