maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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