This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
