so explain again why im purple
no
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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