you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
