forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
