1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I can text with my tongue
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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