she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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