we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
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