Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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