Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
