It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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