i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
