Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
