Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
