This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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