So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
