I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
