yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
