he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
