uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
