As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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