Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
