Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize