did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
