yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There's always time for handjobs
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
