I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
