Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
