I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
