Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
