Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
