yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
