I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
