Nicole vs. Life
even my farts smell like vagina
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
