Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
