cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
