Whod you bang
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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