My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
