gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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