we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
this hospital has no fireball
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize