I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
