My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I can feel your judgement through the phone
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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