I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
