Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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