Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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