Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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