I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
