I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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