pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
