Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize