The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
