wat bout pragnant strippers??
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
