im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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