he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize