1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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