____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
