I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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