I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
