Already got asked if we're dating
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
