now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
