We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This is classic penis vs brain.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize