Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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