so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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