It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
