You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
