I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
