Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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