I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
