what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
