I love black thongs
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
