I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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