I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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