Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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