I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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