The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
