it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
