Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
