I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
